This lively parody of the aesthetic craze of the eighteen-eighties presents a "Fleshly Poet" Bunthorne and an "Idyllic Poet" Grosvenor, who are rivals for the affections of a "blithe and gay" milkmaid, Patience. A train of languid ladies, their former flames from a regiment of officers of the Dragoon Guards, a Colonel, a Duke and a Major, complete the picture.

Act I

In the opening scene, love-sick maidens sing of their love for Bunthorne. Lady Jane, amateur admirer, tells the ladies that Bunthorne loves Patience, the village milkmaid. Patience, however, is totally unimpressed by his poetry, and when the maidens exclaim "How purely fragrant" and "How earnestly precious", she comments, "Well, it seems to me to be nonsense".

When the Dragoon Guards arrive on the scene, the maidens, to whom they were are engaged a year ago, will have nothing to do with them.

Patience is confused, and asks Lady Angela to tell her what this "love" is that is upsetting everybody. Lady Angela explains that love must be unselfish, and that it is her duty to love someone. When Grosvenor appears, he and Patience discover that they were play-fellows when children, and immediately fall in love. However, when Grosvenor (Archibald-the All-Right) describes himself as a perfect being, with whom all women fall in love, Patience decides that they must part as there could be nothing unselfish in loving him.

In the finale of Act 1, Bunthorne, twisted with garlands, is led in by the maidens and puts himself up as a prize in a lottery. The drawing is interrupted by Patience, who, to the dismay of Lady Jane and the maidens, tells Bunthorne that she will be his bride for, she reasons, nothing could be more unselfish than to marry such a person. The ladies turn to the Dragoons again but when Grosvenor appears, to his horror, they all rush to surround him and declare their love for him.

Act II

In Act 2 the frustrated Dragoons try to become aesthetic in order to please the ladies. Bunthorne and Grosvenor meet and Bunthorne taxes his rival with monopolizing the attention of the young ladies. Grosvenor says he would be glad of any suggestion that would lead to his being less attractive. After much persuasion he agrees to become a commonplace young man, while Bunthorne decides to become "mildly cheerful" and to moderate his aestheticism. To his chagrin, Patience says that it would no longer be a duty to love him and so leaves him for Grosvenor. The ladies decide that as Archibald Grosvenor has discarded aestheticism, they will do so too.

They return to the Dragoons and all have partners, including Lady Jane who is chosen by the chivalrous Duke. Bunthorne only is left with no bride and has to content himself with a lily.